Rewind: The Bachelor, Officer and a Gentleman, Episode 5

This week's Bachelor included some community service, some kayak stealing, and the required number of both stupid and cheesy comments. Although, Andy did say "amazing" less, which I have to give him credit for. I know it's unscripted TV, but a script for Andy might be a good idea.

Andy gave roses to Bevin, Amber, Tessa, and Danielle. This means he will be going on hometown dates to Seattle, Sugarland, Texas, San Francisco, and Connecticut. The departures of Tina and Stephanie were not too surprising in light of Andy's reactions to them. Stephanie didn't open up and Tina was not affectionate. You can't blame the guy.

Andy does seem to have an uncanny ability to actually pick the right girls, so far. From here, either Bevin will go postal, or she'll be the one, if you ask me. Here are my thoughts as I watched the episode:

• As I watched the intro to the show, I realized they are pushing the whole engagement thing really hard. You'd think they would have learned their lesson on that one.
• I wish I could say that I didn't like the "Andy working out on the yacht" scenes, but if I did, I'd be lying.
• Do you think ABC gave him those Aviators? I'm gonna say yes.
• Amber, no need to hate on Tina for cleaning Andy's teeth. You're just pissed you didn't think of it first.
• The girls broke themselves up into blondes and brunettes on the yacht. Is this Beauty and the Geek or The Bachelor?
• Bevin violated the no-medical-humor rule first. "If I drown, you'll have to give me mouth to mouth." Barf-o-rama.
• On his date with Stephanie, Andy probably said one of the stupidest things I have ever heard a Bachelor say. They tasted their wine blend and he said: "Ah, it tastes beautiful, like you." Did you taste her in the car on the way over?
• Why is he so f'ig cheesy? With paint on their hands, Andy says: "Take your hand in mine, touch it to your heart." I think Stephanie kissed him just to shut him up.
• So Bevin was divorced. I don't think it's a deal breaker for Andy.
• Andy pulled out the whole "she didn't open up" and "she's young" thing when Stephanie couldn't answer even the most basic questions about herself. Or, she's shallow. The simplest answer is usually the correct one.
• Is Bevin like 40? The way she was talking about "being her age" and dating someone who is dating other, younger, girls you'd think menopause was just around the corner.
• Danielle seems too normal to be on this show. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's probably going to bust out the Star Spangled Banner or something. Wait, Tina already did that.
• When Tina said living in the house was like trying to hang out with the cool kids in high school and not fitting in, Andy said, "Cool is all about perspective." Whatever helps you make it through the day, Andy.
• Was the "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong" necessary when Tessa picked a dress on their date? Really? In the Nicole Miller store? Soooo inappropriate.
• During Andy's date with Tessa, I kept thinking "this girl is sharp." Then Bevin came on and I thought "It's time to call the waaaambulance."
• That conversation about Tina between Stephanie and Danielle during the cocktail party seemed very producer manufactured to me.
• Andy said of all the girls, Danielle is the most invested. Andy, have you met a girl named Bevin? Or maybe one named Amber?
• Tessa's "Oh, you're drinking the wine that you made! How precious!" comment made me love her even more. She might be too normal for Andy.